Chapter 9 – Getting Her to Open Up About What She Really Wants

Getting Her to Open Up About What She Really WantsIf you can get a woman to open up about her sexual fantasies, you are going to be in for some of the best sex of your life. With books like 50 Shades of Grey surging in popularity, more women are expanding their sexual horizons, at least in their imaginations, than ever before. But a lot of times these desires are never spoken to another person, let alone acted out, because women feel embarrassed by them. A lot of them seem to assume that they’re abnormal for wanting anything other than run of the mill, missionary position sex. Be the guy that unleashes her freedom to explore, and prepare to have your mind blown.

The Best Way to Get Her to Talk

If you’re not sure how to get her to start talking about her fantasies, the best approach is to share some of your own with her. This will make her feel less vulnerable and embarrassed about telling you. Don’t scare her off by telling her about your darkest, raunchiest fantasies right off the bat, but don’t make it so generic and vanilla that she’ll feel like her own fantasies must be freakish and abnormal. Strike a nice middle ground, and once she’s shown curiosity or approval for what you’ve shared, ask her to tell you one of hers.

Respond Appropriately

Remember that you’re not the only one testing the waters. Just like you didn’t start with your most out there fantasies, chances are that she didn’t either. Your reaction will determine whether or not she feels safe enough to tell you more. A lot of women have had negative past experiences with straight-laced sexual partners responding negatively to their fantasies, so if she brings up anything like that, reassure her that you’re not like that, and that you think men who aren’t open to exploring fantasies with the women they hook up with are off their rockers. Believe it or not, one bad experience with a close-minded guy will sometimes shut women down for years, so the possibility of past damage needs to be taken into account. I’m not saying you should turn into her sex therapist, but a little bit of empathy and encouragement can go a long way towards making a sexually shy woman feel safe enough to open up and start exploring things she believed were taboo. Make sure that your responses are reassuring and enthusiastic. She should feel like you not only think her fantasies are totally normal, but that you’re as into them as she is. Ask her questions that lead her to share detailed descriptions of whatever it is that she wants to try, and then let her know that you’d love to be the guy to bring that fantasy to life. She’ll be so hot and bothered, you may end up acting it out right then and there.

Keep Her Coming Back for More

Any time your sex buddy shares one of her fantasies with you, do your best to make sure that the fantasy not only comes true, but that it’s everything she imagined it would be. Send her a flirtatious text, hinting at the fact that you remember what she told you. Or step into character and respond to her like Dom she’s been conjuring up in her imagination while she masturbates. Make sure she enjoys every minute of the experience, and do your best to make sure that she has at least one, and preferably more than one, fantastic orgasm during your sex play. Even if she has the time of her life, she might feel sheepish afterwards, so make sure you don’t tease her or do anything to make her feel embarrassed about whatever just happened. Tell her how much you enjoyed it. Thank her for letting you be a part of her fantasy fulfillment.

Keep Her Talking After the Fact

Don’t think of fantasy talk as a single conversation you will have with your sex buddy. If you play your cards right, it should be an ongoing series of conversations. Once you have acted out her first fantasy, use it as a catalyst to encourage her to tell you more. Every time, you’ll probably get a little bit kinkier, and a little bit closer to the really big, mind blowing ones that she feels the most shy about. Keep talking about your own fantasies, too, and whenever she does something you’ve told her you’d like to try, let her know how much you enjoyed it and how amazing she is in bed. These conversations may be the most open she’s ever been about her secret desires, and the newfound freedom will no doubt lead to increasingly awesome sex. That’s a pretty sweet deal for both of you.

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