Contrary to popular belief, choosing an open relationship instead of a conventional relationship isn’t a free for all. Yes, you’ll have a lot more freedom, but you’re still going to have to follow the rules that keep the game in play. A lot of people try to do open relationships without rules in place, and that’s exactly why a lot of people fail at open relationships! Memorize these eight rules, and your open relationships will be smooth sailing.

1. Never say, “I love you” – This sounds like a given, but you’d be surprised how many guys go there. Either they blurt it out during sex, or because she said it first and they don’t want to hurt her feelings. Once you’ve said, “I love you,” your open relationship will never be the same. It will either morph into something more committed or fall apart completely. But the fun as you knew it will be over.
 
2. Don’t let her dictate how you spend your time – If your sex buddy starts trying to control how you spend your time, you’ve got to put a stop to it immediately. If you don’t, before you know it you’ll be with her all the time, you’ll give up your independence, and you’ll ditch any hobbies and interests she doesn’t share. In other words, you’ll be in a regular committed relationship.
 
3. Don’t spend too much time together outside of sex – Generally speaking, if you want a sex buddy to remain a sex buddy, sex should be your main activity together. While there are some women who can be a buddy/buddy and a sex buddy, most of them don’t get the distinction between this dynamic and a committed relationship. If you hang out with her at all outside of sex, keep it to a minimum, and pay close attention to any changes in her behavior so she doesn’t get too attached.
 
4. Don’t let her replace your friends – As much as you might love sex, and as cool as your sex buddy might be, open relationships come and go. Your buddies, on the other hand, will probably be your friends for life. You don’t want the relationship to end, only to realize that you don’t have anyone to hang out with because you ditched all of your friends months ago.
 

 
5. Avoid women who are emotionally unstable, needy, or bored – Easier said than done, I know. But if you’re in an open relationship with a woman who falls into one of these categories, you’re courting disaster. If she’s emotionally unstable, she’ll end up thinking she’s in love with you and will create huge drama when she doesn’t get what she wants. If she’s needy, she’ll monopolize your time, incessantly calling or texting, and expecting to see you more often than you’d prefer. The same goes for women who have boring lives. A bored woman without friends, hobbies, and a career, will use you as a replacement for all of those things.
 
6. Keep it exciting – If your sex buddy wanted routine, she’d be in a traditional relationship. The fact that she’s in an open relationship means that she craves variety and excitement in the bedroom. If you allow your sex life to fall into a routine of the same sex acts and positions in the same places all the time, she’s going to get bored, and she’ll probably bail. If you want her to stick around, make it worth her while.
 
7. Don’t see her too often – When the sex is hot, of course you’re going to want it all the time. And in order to get it all the time, you’ll end up being together a lot. The problem with this is that one of two things will happen if you’re seeing each other multiple times a week. Either she’ll end up getting attached and want a monogamous relationship, or she’ll get bored because she’s spending all of her time with you and will bail entirely.
 
8. Don’t Get Emotionally Attached – While most of these rules are put in place to keep the woman from getting too emotionally attached, this one is about you. Guys always think that they’re immune from getting too attached in an open relationship until it happens to them. The best way to avoid this is to keep a bit of emotional distance. Your sex buddy should be someone you have fun with. Keep it strictly fun. If you start calling her when you’ve had a hard day at work or talking to her about your dad dying, you’re more than just sex buddies. Save the emotionally loaded topics for your family and friends. Keep it out of the bedroom.

While the idea of having established rules might initially seem like they will inhibit your freedom, rest assured that the opposite is actually true. Once you’ve memorized the rules and start to internalize them, it’s not like you’ll find yourself constantly ticking them off in your head. You’ll just naturally talk and behave in ways that keep the relationship on track.
 

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